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Dave: We already missed the second episode of the season because you had to take a 'vacation' with your 'family.' I don't think I could do this with anyone else.

M. Foley: I apologize for scratching together a semblance of a life.

Dave: I think we should pay tribute to that Kuato sketch from the episode we missed, though. It was pretty funny. Jason Sudeikis explains the entire plot of Total Recall to no laughs from the audience because, you know, people are stupid.

M. Foley: Good stuff, Quaid.

Dave: Also, congratulations on the job offer. I never thought you'd leave your current one, I have to be honest. I had no faith in you whatsoever.

M. Foley: Thank you? I was contemplating relocating to the mid-west where I have no friends or family but realized only a total tool would do that.

Dave: Alrighty. I have to say I was very optimistic about this show. John C. Reilly is an excellent actor and an improvisational master. However, Robert De Niro, at one point the greatest actor living, is a disaster when he hosts.

M. Foley: Yeah. Deniro has proven he is very funny since Mean Streets yet he doesn't get it done on SNL.

Dave: Reilly was in line next to me at a deli in NYC once, did I ever tell you that?

M. Foley: About 900 times. It was merely boring the first 50.

Intro Sketch

M. Foley: The truth is so scary I couldn't really laugh.

Opening Monologue

M. Foley: Ferrell's triumphant return. As discussed previously, I like my Ferrell nice 'n crazy. And I didn't know Reilly played R2D2.

Dave: Agreed. I was quite pleased. His Lipton is not at all accurate but the essence of that pompous pretentious farce of a man is perfect.

Racist Guy Who Works in a Colonial Times Something or Other

M. Foley: Not really funny. Weird that they started the night with it. The rest of the show was for the most part much better.

Dave: One of the weakest sketches of the night, I thought, but I compared to previous travesties I've seen, not bad.

Weird Gay Swimmer

Dave: This was pretty good. More disturbing than anything else.

M. Foley: Disturbing is good. Both 69 and penis adjustment discussed. On a technical note, do you think there was rod-to-ass contact?

Kim Jung Il Sketch

M. Foley: Poehler being too cutesy. That ain't gonna cut it.

Dave: I loved the introduction to this. Very SCTV.

Two A-Holes Work Out

Dave: I think these characters are still funny. It sadly rings true. There are just so many privileged unreasonable ipod wearing blackberry typing white pieces of shit out there. I see these young go-getters on the train a lot in the morning and I kind of want to hurt them physically.

M. Foley: Reilly made this. "I'm angry. I'm embarrassed."

My Chemical Romance

M. Foley: Eye shadow and a dye job? Good work.

Dave: Is it 1985? What the hell is he screaming about? Something about a marching band, being savior of the beaten and the damned, and carrying on. What upper class suburb did these douche bags come from?

M. Foley: Their music was execrable.

Dave: I read in the Times yesterday that they're from Belleville, NJ - not exactly an upper-class suburb - and that their latest, 'Black Parade,' may be the best rock record of the year. Plus, the guy had an enormous booze and coke problem. I'm a big fan now.

Weekend Update

Dave: Pretty good. I like the pot joke.

M. Foley: Not great. I like the "Nap Juice" joke. Your boy is not good and he does kind of yell.

Dave: Agreed. I do not care for Seth Meyers. Kenan Thompson playing Flava Flave is ridiculous. I guess that's the price he pays for being the only black guy on the show.

M. Foley: Racist and overly long. Also, is it generally understood that McConoughey is gay?

Mexican Restaurant

M. Foley: The best bit of the night, due almost all to Reilly's performance. He makes a disturbing woman and Armisen's tongue kiss at the end was highly uncalled for and hysterical.

Dave: I thought at first it was too derivative of something Farley (the great one) might do. But it was extremely funny. Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, and Kirsten Wiig were hilarious as well.

Bear Shark

M. Foley: We've discussed our mutual love of (pretend) violence. I also liked the epilogue when he referred to the audience as "dummies."

Dave: This was my favorite sketch of the night. Absurd and violent. Plus an appearance of the BearShark singing 'I'm sorry I caused so much pain.' Good stuff. I also applaud Sudeikis breaking the fourth wall to call the audience stupid. It really spoke to me.

Harpoon Man - SNL Digital Short

M. Foley: As good as most of the rest of the sketches. Reilly certainly made this a strong show.

Dave: Really funny.

MacMillan Family Moment Sketches

M. Foley: Obvious filler. The "Fitter, Happier" sketch, if you will.

Dave: I really liked these. "Have fun telling your Mom what an ass I am!" I think angry dads are almost always funny.

House of Carter

M. Foley: Not that funny. I prefer not to give those cretins any due. They're no Bonaduce.

Dave: I enjoyed the cruelty. These guys deserve to be mocked constantly, and there should be an entire channel devoted to crushing them and their ilk. Am I wrong?

Pleasant Conclusion

Dave: Probably one of the best complete episodes I've seen in a long time. Reilly did not disappoint. I hope he makes more appearances on the show. No Hader and hardly any Armisen or Forte, though. What's up with that?

M. Foley: I guess there wasn't a need for a mediocre Vincent Price imitation. Forte did manage to make the swimming lesson sketch creepier than it might have been. I agree that, but for the horrendous musical guests, this was a fairly strong episode.

M. Foley and Dave have a deep and unshakeable faith in their respective gods.